Raising a child feel superior to others

A boy pressed a button in the elevator standing on tiptoe. The kid’s mom who was standing behind said, “You won! I wanted to press the button.” Same thing happened when pressing the "close" button. “Oh, it was close. You won again.” When a delivery man pressed a button, the child started crying out loud. The boy wanted to win the delivery guy in the same way that he beat his mother.

Whenever I see mothers who eager to give way to their children, it reminds me of Japanese TV series "First Class." This soap opera that depicts jealousy and secret feud among women working in the fashion industry is based on a concept called "mounting."

Mounting is a behavior for animals like dogs to ride on or hump another to show dominance. In the drama, girls endlessly compare one another on clothes, looks, family and educational backgrounds in attempt to beat and trample on competitors.

In reality, most women refrain from behaving like that. But at times, some women unconsciously reveal their desire to stamp others down. A case in point is the mother of child, who wanted to beat everyone in the elevator. Probably, the mother herself wants to win everyone else and hopes her child to live a life winning others. By eagerly giving way to her child, the mom tries to give precious value that she cherishes the most to her boy. Hence, letting her child "mount," or show dominance over her, might be the best expression of love that the mother can ever make.

German psychologist Erich Fromm said in his book "Art of Loving" that a person who has grown up receiving unconditional love from mother and conditional love from father in a balanced way can become a mentally healthy adult who can give and receive love with others. However, sacrifice of the mother in elevator is remotely close to the way to raise a sound adult. The child who has exercised dominance over his or her mother is likely to grow up into an immature adult who finds self-esteem only when feeling superior to others.

Unlike concerns of such mothers who want to raise their children having dominance over others, positive self-image can develop by experiencing lots of failures in life. Even though a child frequently enjoys pleasure of winning others, it does not guarantee the child will live a courageous life or a smooth life.

The worst education that drives a child into danger is to establish a belief in a child’s heart that "the world and others will give way to me and treat me as their superior." Not all adults are good like the child’s mother and father. Before giving pleasure of winning, mother needs to take a hard look at on her past ways - whether a life filled with winning alone was truly happy.