Are parents not family, too?

“Family Ties,” a movie directed by Kim Tae-yong, asks what a family is. Mi-ra (played by Moon So-ri) is surprised when her ex-con brother (Uhm Tae-woong) reappears after a five-year absence with a lover (Go Du-shim) 20 years his senior. Despite an awkward relationship in which a woman lives with her brother’s lover, the two women begin to care for each other. The movie apparently stresses that family is not based on blood ties but love and understanding. A second survey of 2,500 families conducted by the Gender Equality and Family Ministry last year, however, found that the movie’s message is pure fiction.

The study found that the scope of family narrowed significantly from five years ago. The percentage of those who believe their spouse and children are their relatives dropped from 98.4 percent and 98.7 percent in the first survey in 2005, respectively, to 81.1 percent and 84.5 percent. One of the biggest changes was that more people said they do not consider their parents as family. The percentage of those who deem parents as family fell from 92.8 percent to 77.6 percent, and that of those who view their in-laws as family plunged from 79.2 percent to 50.5 percent. In addition, more said siblings and those of their spouse are not family.

The survey also confirmed that the middle-aged people of today will be the last generation to support their parents in old age and the first generation not to get support from their children later on. Only 41 percent said they would marry their spouses again but 72.7 percent said they want to spend time only with their spouses after retirement. Less than four percent said they want to rely on the eldest son or an economically stable child. More Koreans say ties with their children have weakened and that their spouse is the only person whom they can rely on.

The problem is, however, that 57.7 percent said they are not prepared for life after retirement though shunning dependence on their children. So who should support them instead of their children? According to data released by Statistics Korea last year, 51 percent said the government and society should be responsible for aged parents. This indicates that the state and society should tackle the problems of an aging society in which younger people must bear a higher economic burden for the elderly. As fewer Koreans consider their parents as family, one should prepare for post-retirement life oneself instead of investing too much in his or her children.

Editorial Writer Chung Sung-hee (shchung@donga.com)